I'm feeling lost, sad, angry confused. Basically all these conflicting emotional turmoil is building up inside of me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm jaded after pursuing a life much more fufilling than the one i'm having now. I'm jaded of pursuing popularity among friends, among dance, among all the things i do. I'm too emotionally tired. I can turn to no one for help, no one to talk my problems to. I know god is always there but i can't seem to turn to him for help. Each time i pray to him 'bout what i want in life, i feel that i'm having a motive of wanting these selfish desire. This part of me that's craving the limelight, the popularity among peers and accquaintances. It seems very hypocritical of myself each time i "twist" the arm of god and crafting my prayer to hide my motive. Probably god knows me too well that he doesn't want to grant me the things that i've prayed for? Even prayers that are of good intentions seems to have a hidden agenda. I'm even aware that a non-harmless crafted prayer seems to betray what i desire in life. I feel so greedy, biting off more than i can chew.




I cant seem to be able to hold a proper conversation without having pauses in between. I guess i've erected an invisible wall between myself and them and somehow they have sense it and feel awkward around me and vice-versa.

Whipped cream and strawberries
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Name: Mathew aka matt, mattie or no 4
DOB: 7th OCt 88
NP
NRA