I know i haven't been blogging for the last few days. Too tired and lazy to update. Had dance yesterday and i went back home with justin. Just chatted with him and i realised what was holding me back to go and do the things i wanna do. I think i've made the discovery a long time ago but i guess i was in denial and wasn't ready to confront it. I'm not sure if i even have the courage to overcome this phobia. People's opinion and view on me are very important to me(and that's my biggest downfall). I don't know whether i can break off this shackle that's chaining me and pluck up the courage to go and ask.





Nowadays i don't really feel that close to anyone in NRA anymore. I was close to a certain group of people but now they are like strangers to me. I couldn't communicate with them as easily as i used to before. I used to hang out in cliques but now i'm just a "floater" hanging out with different group of people and randomly chatting with people and those i haven't seen in NRA for quite sometime. Sure kai feng's my classmate and all but there are stuffs i can't seem to share with her. It's not that i don't trust her. I'm selective of those whom i trust 'cos i had a nasty experience once and no i'm not gonna divulge it.




I'm not sure who i can trust and depend on anymore.




I went for aloy's birthday chalet at Changi Aloha last tuesday and i was suppose to meet kai feng in school 'cos i had freshie guys training. She was uber late(again). I called her twice and twice she told me she was still waiting for the bus at the interchange. So we took the train down to pasir ris and we cabbed there 'cos i'm unsure of where to go and if i were to lead an uber lost kai feng, i think i'd die. Haha then, we drank and the his friends got him drunk and he was spewing alot of nonsense. I'm not gonna spew all the details 'cos what happened will be kept within the four corners of the bungalow there and the people around. After which, we(myself, rui xiang, kai feng and marina) joined his secondary school friend in playing indian poker and twice i was suppose to drink up. I broke out in rashes and kai feng said that i could be allergic to alcohol but when i cycled with them out to buy some drinks from cheers, i was perspiring and rashes broke out again and i deduced that it wasn't alcohol's doing. Under warm day or night and if i happen to perspire alot, i'd broke out in rashes. We got to see some "bapoks" in action and just like what raymond or is it wei mun(new friend i made) said: "They have the body but they don't have the looks." Freaky actually. And we stayed up the whole night to play bualat(blackjack) and wei mun/raymond had a serious case of bad luck. His cards keep on turning up to 12 or 14 and we told him he can go and buy toto lol. Alvin was the biggest winner that day. After which, when morning arrived, we went to changi village to have breakfast before cabbing back home. I just hit the bed after bathing. Was uber tired.




Oh and whatever Absolute drink you consume, don't take mandrain, kurant and peach!!! It tasted like detergent and adhesive swipes.

Whipped cream and strawberries
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Name: Mathew aka matt, mattie or no 4
DOB: 7th OCt 88
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